


Pink Lemonade

by MistaBubs



Category: South Park
Genre: Cartman Got Therapy, F/M, Multi, Prom, Short Chapter Fic, but creek exists in this universe, cliches, hes less psycho, no other relationships in focus, nothing significant enough to add to tags, oh yeah butters is kinda a dick, senior year of highschool, slight drama eventually, so does clybe, theres little appearances by most the kids in one way or the other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistaBubs/pseuds/MistaBubs
Summary: With Stan and Wendy's loveless relationship finally ended, Cartman gets his chance to win her over. To his surprise, he gets the full support and help of his (nosy) friends. Will Fatass get the girl, or will he fuck it up like everything else in his life?•This will be a short chapter fic, ranging around 6 chapters. Easing me back into the waters of fanfiction•Edit: permanent hiatus lol
Relationships: Eric Cartman & Wendy Testaburger, Eric Cartman/Wendy Testaburger
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Operation Pink Lemonade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! There are some things I'd like to mention before you get into the story. First, my portrayal of Cartman is based on how my fiancee roleplays him. For reference, she's been roleplaying as and tunining her version of him for close to a year, so things that feel obvious to me as behavior for him, might not fit perfectly in typical fandom or even your headcanon for him. I hope that you can appreciate our Cartman nonetheless.  
> Same goes for Wendy. Candy is a huge comfort ship for me and my fiancee (who is also my beta reader! shout out to Anna <3) so we've roleplayed it A LOT. Thus our characterizations are very particular.
> 
> Second thing I'd like to mention real quick, is I know a lot of people are super intent on Cartman being purely homosexual, and to a point, I agree! Since I don't want to clutter this anymore, I'll elaborate on Anna's take of his sexuality in the end notes. Enjoy!

_"I'm so sorry Wendy... I just don't want to lead you on anymore. I care about you, I really do, but I don't love you in the way you want me to. And I don't think you love me that way either."_

* * *

Stan sighed, leaning back on his beanbag, looking at his friends. Cartman and Butters were playing some sort of fighting game, while Kyle did homework and Kenny looked through his phone. The typical set-up for a Saturday night between them. While Stan would normally be eating snacks and watching Youtube on his phone, instead he was running over his and Wendy's breakup from Monday, over and over. He couldn't believe that he had actually done it, especially without his friends pushing him into it. The decision to end things with Wendy was all him, which sucked, because it meant he couldn't blame his slight regret on anyone but himself.

What he had said was true; he wasn't in love with Wendy, but they had become such a comfort for the other. Christ, they've been dating since they were 10. _Eight god damn years_. Admittedly, it didn't become more than holding hands and kisses on the cheek until late middle school, but still. Stan and Wendy. There was never one without the other. Until now he supposed.

The breakup had been a long time coming, since it became obvious sophomore year that neither of them were really attracted to each other. Besides things like cuddling or simple kisses, there wasn't much... physical interaction between the two of them. Their relationship would be best described as a loveless marriage where they stay together for the child. The child here being the fear of being alone. Yeah, they didn't have sex or even make-out, but they were never alone at lunch or on a weekend night. It was comfortable; safe.

Stan knew she wasn't happy though. And he wasn't going to keep her in this loveless relationship just so he wouldn't have to face the cruel dating world again. Thankfully, she had taken the break-up well. Or well enough, at least. Wendy teared up a little, but reluctantly admitted that he was right. They were on good terms, but there was still a bit of tension between them, so they hadn’t talked since.

Back to the point though. Stan looked at his friends, Cartman in particular, and after clearing his throat a little, he spoke up. "So... I broke up with Wendy." He said, trying to be nonchalant.

The reaction was immediate. Kyle's pencil slowed, and he set it down before looking at Stan. Kenny, who seemed pleased that something interesting was happening, turned off his phone. Cartman choked on the chips he was eating, sending him into a coughing fit for a moment, while Butters took this opportunity to defeat him in the game. Once Cartman recovered, he practically shouted at Stan.

"You WHAT? Why would you break-up with her _—_ Aye! Fuck you Butters! _—_ She's amazing, not to mention you two are joined at the hip." Cartman fumbled a bit over his words, feeling overwhelmed by this sudden information. Meanwhile Kyle rolled his eyes. Everyone (including Stan) knew Cartman liked Wendy. The fatass had been in love with her since freshman year, but in denial about it even longer.

"Why are you so upset?" Kyle deadpanned, going back to his homework absetmindedly. "She's free now."

"Yeah dude. We all know you're in love with her." Kenny spoke up next eyeing Cartman before turning to Stan. "For real though, what brought that on? Aren't you two all lovey-dovey?"

Stan rubbed the back of his neck, looking a bit sheepish. He never really thought about the fact that from the outside they looked happy together. "Ah, I guess? We weren't really um... Attracted to each other. It was mostly a comfort, staying together I mean. Just not being alone, yanno?"

Cartman didn't really know how to feel. After years of therapy through most of middle school and all of high school so far, he'd become a more tolerable person. Thanks to this, him and Wendy didn't fight every second they were together anymore. In fact, they kind of enjoyed each other’s company. Because of her long standing relationship with Stan though, he always kept his distance. They didn't talk outside of school, and he never went out of his way to spend time with her. He may have been in love, but bros before hoes, or whatever they say.

But now... There were no bros to block him from this hoe _—_ Wendy, not 'this hoe'. Ignore that. All he needed now was Stan's blessing... "So... you don't like... Still love her? And she doesn't love you?" Cartman asked slowly.

Rolling his eyes and smiling slightly, Stan nodded. "Yes, that is correct. Another reason I finally ended it was... Well, I wanted to give you a chance, dude. I know you love her a lot more than I do, and believe it or not, I think you could make her happy." He explained.

Cartman looked stunned, and he opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by Butters. "Does this mean we can meddle and try and get them together?" He suggested. Honestly, he didn't care too much, but it seemed more enjoyable than just doing nothing for the end of their senior year.

Kenny grinned. "Oh hell yeah we're going to meddle. Prom is in a month, so we only have that long to get them together. There is no way I'm letting them not go to Prom together."

"So we're using the last of our high school career to get Cartman laid? Instead of studying?" Kyle asked, though there was a small smile on his face. Thanks to his closeness to Stan, he was pretty good friends with Wendy too, and as much as he hated to admit it, he agreed they'd be a good match. Only Wendy could keep Cartman in check. "Fine, I'm in. But we need something to call this all. I refuse to refer to this all as 'us trying to get Cartman laid' anymore."

Kenny rolled his eyes. "We aren't just getting him laid. We're giving him a gentle push into a wonderful relationship! But you're right, we should give it a cool name."

Stan laughed at the suggestion. "Cool huh? I can't think of a cool thing to call this, but... How about like, Operation Pink Lemonade. Cause like... Sweet and sour? You're the sour one, Cartman, for the record."

Glaring at Stan, Cartman huffed. "Yes, I assumed so. Stupid name aside, I'm all for this. I may have a massive penis, but my balls aren't big enough to get the confidence to do all this shit myself. They'd need to be huge. Like basket ball size. Like really really big _—_ "

"Can you please stop talking about balls?" Kyle rolled his eyes, interrupting Cartman. "I guess this is happening, huh. Kenny, Butters, you two are close with the girls, right? Can you get their opinions on this?"

Butters simply nodded, but Kenny gave a dramatic salute. "Yessir!" He replied enthusiastically. 

"I really don't know how Bebe is going to react to this..." Butters mused, rubbing the back of his neck. "She kinda hates Eric, remember?"

"Don't worry. I'll handle her." Kenny said confidently. Stan gave him an uneasy look but nodded slowly.

"Okay, so I'm assuming this'll kick off Monday?" Stan asked, starting to get a little more comfortable with the idea. It could be fun. Besides, Wendy deserves to be happy. He could worry about himself later.

Everyone gave a nod of approval (including an extra enthusiastic one from Cartman), and Stan nodded back. "Monday it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Cartman's sexuality! To put it simply, we headcanon him to be almost a form of demisexual, though if asked, he'd just say gay. Its not that hes not attracted to women, its just that he has no respect for them, and for the most part doesn't hold them on an equal enough level to be attracted to them in a genuine way. In the notes in the next chapter, I'll go more into this, but all thats important now is that over the years he's grown to respect Wendy in a way that allows him to be attracted to her. Gotta admire a girl who will beat the shit out of you at age 10.
> 
> Depending on how fast I write, updates will be weekly or bi-weekly :)


	2. Girls Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres a short chapter to fill in some details. if you enjoy this fic or have any advice or criticism on my writing, please leave a comment! id love any advice or feedback <3  
> Shout out to my fiancee anna for beta-ing  
> (more info on cartmans sexuality in end notes)

Sunday came quickly, and with Operation Pink Lemonade fresh in the two blondes' minds, their bi-weekly 'pamper night' with Bebe and Heidi was twice as special. Kenny knew if he could get Bebe in on the plan, the rest of the girls would follow suit. Heidi was a bit of a wild card though. He wasn't one hundred percent sure of her opinion on Cartman. After that disaster of a relationship when they were ten, she went from absolutely hating Cartman, to tolerating him, to... Well, he didn't know. She could hate him now for whatever reason. Lets hope she doesn't.

"So." Kenny started as Bebe coated his hair in a homemade hair masque. Butters gave him a curious glance, to which he winked in response. Getting the point that Kenny was going to talk about the plan, he stilled his conversation with Heidi about which nail polish to use. "I'm sure you heard that Stan broke up with Wendy."

Heidi and Bebe stilled, and nodded. "Yeah." Bebe spoke up first. "She's actually pretty beaten up over it."

"But we all agree it's for the best. Stan's a sweet guy, but it's not who she likes." Heidi sighed, deciding on a pearly white color for Butters' nails. Kenny's brows shot up at her wording. 

"So she has someone she likes already?" Kenny asked, choosing his words carefully. Getting information like this out of girls was like dealing with a timid animal. One wrong move and they'll hide away. "Anyone we know?"

Heidi looked guilty in being caught, knowing there was no way she was getting away with not telling them at this point. She looked to Bebe for help, but the taller girl simply shrugged, looking slightly annoyed at this topic. "You can tell them. I trust Kenny and Butters." 

As Bebe turned her focus back to Kenny's hair, wrapping it in a shower cap, Heidi sighed. "Okay, well... Its uh... It's Eric. She likes him..."

A massive grin came to Kenny's face, and Butters looked surprised. "What a fucking coincidence!" Kenny cheered, "As it turns out, we're planning on getting them together!"

Bebe's expression went from annoyed to pissed in two seconds flat. "No way. Wendy is way too good for him. I'm stopping this stupidity right now." 

Kenny sighed dramatically, waving his hand. "Oh Bebe, it's not fair of you to deny Wendy her love just because you have the hots for her--"

Before Bebe could strangle Kenny in anger, like she looked like she was about to do, Butters interjected. "What he means is! Eric really cares about her, and it wouldn't hurt for them to give it a try, right? If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be..."

Bebe calmed down a bit at the statement, actually thinking it over for a second. "I'm standing firm. He's going to hurt her, I know it. She can do so much better. There's this cute French dude I know and--"

"Really? A foreigner? Cheap shot, Bebe." Kenny interjected before Bebe could finish. "Besides, Wendy's the only one who can keep Cartman in check, and you know that he's the only one that can bring out her mischievous side."

Bebe glared. "She does not need him. Wendy is perfectly fine on her own. She's a lovely young lady."

"Yeah, too lovely. She's a bore Bebe. I know you know it." Kenny pointed out, a smirk on his face.

Bebe tried to ignore him, but couldn't help but think about it. It was true, Wendy didn't really do much. Her hobbies consisted of studying, listening to music, and watching cooking shows on Netflix. The only time she does anything mildly adventurous is when Stan convinces her to join him at parties. Even then, she doesn't touch a drop of liquor and refuses to even be in the same room as weed. 

"Come on." Kenny continued. "Think about what he brings out in her. Remember that time she beat the ever-loving shit out of him?"

Groaning, Bebe finally gave in. "I fucking hate you McCormick."

Kenny grinned, as that was exactly what he wanted to hear. "Glad you're on board! Welcome to Operation Pink Lemonade. Think you can convince Craig and those guys to help out too?"

"Thats a stupid name." Bebe muttered. "But yeah. Clyde loves romance and also getting in other people's business. And I doubt he'll let the others worm out of it."

"Wonderful! Now Heids, do you think you could get the other girls to help too?" Kenny asked, turning to Heidi.

She jumped in surprise as she was suddenly brought into the conversation again, but nodded. "Um, yeah sure. Once I finish painting Butters' nails, I'll text Nichole and Red. I'm sure they'd love to help."

"Awesome! Let me know when you get everyone on board and I'll add them to the group chat we have." Kenny took off the shower cap and stood. "Time to get this gunk out of my hair."

After Kenny and Butters headed home for the night, Kenny went and added everyone to the group chat he had with Stan and the gang. It was a bit chaotic, but once they got Craig to stop leaving and having to be re-added, planning began.

* * *

[Kenny]: ive gathered you here today to admire how massive my penis is and how heavy my bawls are

[Bebe]: If you send a picture of your dick, I'm going to show up at your house and cut it off.

[Kenny]: sexy

[Stan]: anyways, whats the game plan for tomorrow? im thinking start simple

[Craig]: If I leave you'll just re-add me won't you.

[Tweek]: CALM DOWN BABE

[Heidi]: Caps-lock Tweek. But yeah, I actually had an idea.

[Stan]: go for it.

[Kyle]: Glad to see someone is at least mildly taking this seriously.

[Cartman]: You better not make me do anything cringe.

[Heidi]: It's not! Or I don't think so at least... Okay so typically Wendy eats lunch with Bebe and Red, since I have tutoring to do and Nichole has club meetings. I was thinking we could do the typical "friends cancel on her so she has no one to sit with" situation where Eric swoops in just in time to have lunch with her. 

[Clyde]: genious... ur like a rom-com master

[Craig]: *genius

[Bebe]: I feel a little bad abandoning her, but that is a good idea! If we play it right, it won't be suspicious either.

[Stan]: so its a plan then?

[Red]: sounds good

[Cartman]: Sounds kinda gay but sure, why not.

[Kyle]: Shut up, fatass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh btw... i apologize for how short this is! like i said its just a little detail bits that felt disjointed with the first chapter.   
> on cartman's sexuality, his lack of respect for women stems from neglect and such from his mom! once he hit like 13 she was around less and less, until he was practically living alone for months at a time....for any creek lovers, keep an eye out on my profile! im gonna (ideally) write a smut one shot in the next week or so ;)))


End file.
